Bonding

In order to adopt, Pete and I were required to complete 10 hours of training. The content of the training mostly focused on bonding with your child and breaking the cycle of unmet needs. In addition to the training we've also done our own reading on the subject of bonding. Well, as with most things in life, reading and learning are very different from seeing and experiencing first hand. The first three days that we spent with Meseret she barely intereacted with us at all. She did however have conditioned responses. If we fed her she ate, if we went to pick her up she would lift her arms and if we put her down in a bed she would go to sleep. But not once did she indicate that SHE wanted to do something. She didn't point at anything, she didn't initiate any type of play and in fact we didn't hear a single sound from her. I asked the staff at the orphanage if she speaks and they assured me that she did. Fortunately, we were able to take her back to our guest house with us and after spending more time with her, without any interuptions, she finally started to interact with us a little. The first video above shows how she was for the first three days and then the second video is her on the last day.

As relieved and excited as we are that she interacted and played with us, the entire experience taught us a lot about some of the bonding challenges we will likely face. Our goal is not only to form a strong parent/child relationship with her but for her to learn that we will meet her needs. We know we don't have all of the answers but we feel that after spending four days with her that we better understand her needs and what we need to do as a family. And please feel free to remind me this when I have a demanding 15 year old daughter, but I look forward to the day when she cries. When she realizes that she can cry and that her needs will be met. I welcome the chance to eat my words!